Midsummer's Night Joy
by Cherry Nightmare
Summary: Midsummer's night is a dream no longer!
1. Default Chapter

**A/N**: Well, the characters aren't owned by me, of course. Just a notice: Quince, Bottom, Flute, Snout, Snug and Starveling won't be here because...because I don't like them. XP

This is it the first part of Midsummer's night joy! I hope you'll like it. Reviews please!

**………………**

**Midsummer's Night Joy**

**(part one)**

(Enter Theseus, Hippolyta and Philostrate)

**Theseus -** Fair Hippolyta! The lack of sex in our relationship is depressing! My manhood is depressed! Four days until our marriage! Oh, isn't time depressing?

**Hippolyta -** You're manhood is depressing...Go Philostrate and bring some Prozac.

_(Exit Philostrate)_

**Theseus –** Oh, my dear, is your headache back?

**Hippolyta –** No, it was for your...Well, fuck you, now I have a real headache.

**Egeus**_(enters)_** – **My Duke! _(winks)_

**Theseus –** Eggie?!_ (whispers) _Eggie, I told you only to come at night!

**Egeus –** No, silly! Terrible news!

**Theseus -** OH SURE! _(blushes)_ What's the news with thee?

**Egeus –** My daughter Hermia! Stand forth Demetrius. I want her to marry Demetrius, because when married they'll BOTH live at my house_. (blushes) (cough)_ Now, stand forth Lysander. And this man here wants to take my Hermia.

**Theseus**_(moans) _– So, Hermia, what the fuck is wrong with it?

**Hermia –** Oh, my father wants Demetrius more than I do! All I want is my darling Lysander and he wants me!

**Lysander –** Hell, I want you Hermia! _(winks) (turns to Demetrius)_ And you!...

**Demetrius** _(smiles)(blushes)_

**Lysander -**_ (sweat drop)_ ...You…erm…you better…take your…erm..mind…out of Hermia's…out of the wedding…our wedding I mean..… FUCK! STOP LOOKING AT ME LIKE THAT!

**Egeus –** _(interrupting)_ SO…As you see Lysander is a very nervous boy, and Demetrius is so pure and innocent _(winks at Demetrius) _and he's a perfect gentleman.

**Hermia –** _(crying)(points to Demetrius) _He screwed my daddy!!!

**Theseus, Lysander, Hippolyta –** WHAT?

**Egeus** _(blushing severely) _**–** I did not! _(points to Lysander)_ That…That boy made my child a liar!

**Demetrius**_ (blushes hardly)_

**Hermia –** You cannot call me a liar father! I saw it!

**Demetrius** _(blushes hyperly)_ – Actually your daddy screwed ME…

**Theseus –** Egeus, erm…I think we need to talk…

_(exit all but Lysander and Hermia)_


	2. Part Two

**Midsummer's Night Joy**

**(part two)**

(Hermia and Lysander)

**Lysander –** How now my bitch? How are you so pale?

Hermia – How can I not to be? If my father wants me to marry Demetrius. Lysander – Worry not, hottest ass. For we shall work it out. 

**Hermia –** Oh, my _biggest_ of all. You have a plan?

**Lysander **– Yes, I have! We shall go to my aunt's house, she's a prostitute and we can have every night to ourselves.

**Hermia –** What are you telling me? Is that the secret to our happiness?

**Lysander –** Yes it is, Hermia, my wet dream. Do you want to go?

**Hermia –** HELL I WANT! When shall we go?

**Lysander –** Tomorrow! At night so no one can see us, at that pub, remember? Where we met.

**Hermia –** I'll be there Lysander, oh captain of that vagina of mine.

**Lysander –** But look! It's Helena!

_Enters Helena_

**Hermia –** God speed, fair Helena!

**Helena –** You call me fair? You stole my man you bitch!

With your bright white smile, your sexy body and your plastic breasts...

**Hermia –** _(yells) _Well ad least I didn't have a vagina implant!

**Helena –** _(cries)_ How could you? I told you a secret!

**Hermia –** You insulted my breasts!

**Helena –** You stole my man!

**Hermia –** I try to keep him away from me!

**Helena –** He drools at your smile!

**Hermia –** I told him not to look!

**Helena –** He follows you everywhere!

**Hermia –** I told him to go away!

**Helena –** He desires you!

**Hermia –** He desires my father!

**Helena –** You lie!

**Lysander –** Are you over yet?

**Hermia and Helena –** _(stare at Lysander)_

**Lysander –** It's decided, not-so-fair Helena, Hermia and I will run tonight.

**Hermia –** Yes, we will, to a place no one can find us!

**Helena –** Were will that be?

**Lysander –** My aunt's house! She's rich and she's not at home when the sun goes down until his up again. 

**Hermia –** Remember that pub? Where we used to be? Looking at the cuties and the cuties looking at me? So that where our will be.

So poor Helena, get your man. I'll take mine out of here.

_(to Lysander)_ And you, my muscle-man, forget not our date.

**Lysander –** You bet I won't. I'll be there as soon has it's time.

_Exits Hermia_

**Lysander –** Be happy with Demetrius and keep him away of my Sex Goddess.

Adieu, Helena, adieu!

_Exits Lysander_

**Helena**_(alone)_** – **Oh misery of mine, I'll remain virgin until the end of time.

Why do I care in being so hot, if Demetrius thinks I'm not.

Oh, Love, that only sex you destroy, why me you must annoy?

I'm so alone, without anyone. How couldn't I see this come?

_Exits Helena_

**AN-** here's 2, part 3 will be coming soon (I hope )


End file.
